Everything seems a little more difficult to me in 2023 –

  • drivers seem even more aggressive, distracted and unpredictable
  • lines are longer, and good customer service is now the exception
  • ordinary acts take multiple phone calls and follow up
  • home, medical and car insurance is more complicated
  • things that used to take longer, but were more simple – seem overwhelmed by tons of choice and alternatives with additional expense

It feels like common courtesy and kindness has, like Frasier, “left the building.”

So, what can be done? For me, it is a return to the Power of Kindness – and it is anything but random.

Father Gregory Boyle says that for every situation, “Kindness is the only non-delusional response.” I love that notion, in theory, but when the rubber hits the road, and push comes to shove, I am finding myself lacking. After thinking and praying about this for days… here is what has come to mind: The Power of Kindness is anything but random and it seems to have four parts.

1.) Intention – I must be intentional on my goal to become more kind, and to choose kindness as the only path. And this cannot be a one and done every morning, it must be a breath by breath act of remembering that this is whom I am choosing to be in the world.

2.) Attention – We all know that the road to h…. is paved with good intentions. Therefore, the skill of attention needs to be brought onboard. Am I aware of the people around me? Do I notice the folks at the grocery store? Do I say Hi to passers by? Do I have SA – situational awareness? If not, this is the first step, to pay attention and to be present in the moment. To actively choose people over tasks  and for me, tasks are a lot easier and cleaner. People can be difficult and relationships can be messy, but – this is the way of attention and making people the priority.

3.) Practice – It seems that my responses can often be reflexive, and need to be consciously chosen. It has been suggested that we can do this by building space between the action and the re-action. When I was in my early twenties, I read “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” for the first time. One of the main take aways was Stephen Covey’s thoughts on the word, responsibility – we have the ability to respond however we choose. We are in control of ourselves – we have the power of choice! This is the key to the practice, kindness is one of our spiritual muscles that needs to be flexed and strengthened through proactive choosing and frequent use.

4.) Margin – Today being busy is a badge of honor, but kindness takes time and cultivation. Busy is an enemy to calm and being a non-anxious presence in the world. If our calendars are filled, our schedules over-booked and our souls brimming with stress and pressure, we will find that the three other points – intention, attention and practice will definitely suffer. It takes time to listen, it takes time to go the extra mile, it takes time to make a meal, send a card or make a call. I must learn to say “No” more often to the good and thereby make space for the other – the surprise need that maybe is mine to do. I will work on building margin and space into my day, week and entire life. A book I read a couple of years ago, and have re-read several times has really helped me with this, “The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry,” by John Mark Comer. It contains needed wisdom for this time in our culture.

On this journey, one of the resources that has come into my life is the website and podcast of Dr. Vivik Murthy, the current United States Attorney General. He has a countenance, level of professionalism and compassion that I am so thankful for. He has identified that one of the things most affecting Americans today is loneliness, and the state of our mental health as a collective people. I have found his website very helpful and extremely informative. His Current Priorities are definitely worth the read, and comes with action steps that put things of the head into those of the heart, hands and feet. The prioity on Social Connection reads like it was meant for Homegrown Group and our focus on Growing Community.  His podcast, House Calls, has also been a treasure of information and inspiration. One of my favorites on this topic is an interview with Father Greg Boyle, Finding Strength in Kindness.

May the setting of an intention with attention and practice in a life filled with margin manifest fruit and a good and bountiful crop of kindness for me and all of our communities in 2024. This is my prayer.